...*blink blink*

Umm...not much to say. Yesterday was kind of....hell for me. I was going to quit CG but the seniors and instructor are lucky that they are the silver tongued devils they are.....'cause i'm still in it. This thing between me and the one girl....its over. Thats all thats to it is that is over. I ended up missing the practice anyways because I had homework i REALLY needed to do. One way or another....im still ineligable. *hangs head but Inner Lind-z cheers* Sorry......i dont really want to perform but they probably are still going to make me since they have a hole. And thats bad. I dont know.

Away football game tonight ^_^. I hope it rains cuz i REALLY dont want to perform tonight. It's going to be windy anyways so why bother with flags and tosses. WEEEEEE. I got to wear dan's jersey again. But this one is his home game jersey.....cuz its an away game and he has to wear that one ^_^. I talked to him last noght on the phone.....I really owe him an apology for freaking out him about autumn's....issue. He was laughing about it and the "issue" isnt something to laugh about. I wanted to smack him.....but i couldn;t cause it was over the phone. Make sense? yea? good. *yawns* so....tired..... Well...i better wrap this up....;And i just might not get too many points this week for Blog because i only have three instead of five. Oh well. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

出ていきなさい!!!!!

OK...i am severely tired of certain people telling me what i should and shouldn't do. I am trying to figure out what the hell to do with guard to begin with and I don't need peoples shit telling me I don't make sense or that i am going to fail at life for quitting ONE thing! I am torn so as it is. But actually.....you are making my decision much easier...only problem is not many people would like the outcome. Just saying. And, if your reading this blog, you know who you are. And i don't care how pissed you get a me...its the truth and babe you need a wake up call. I don't care if you turn the entire freaking school on me....it's not worth my health and sanity to stay with something that i am being pressured into staying with and don't like anymore...given the fact that it is too much stress for me. You want everything to work out YOUR way? you take my spot. Have fun with that. But i digress. I am seriously taking EVERYTHING into consideration and having people yelling at me (once again...you know who you are) is not making this any easier. If this keeps up...I'll just quit and not give a damn about the consequences. Plain and simple. It's not worth it. I thought it'd be fun and i would have come out of my shell...made a few more friends and enjoy competing....guess what...I'm not enjoying it anymore and with the school year coming round......I can't keep up. I'm probably going to be ineligible soon anyways....but i don't know. So put simply....GET OFF MY BACK! A'ight? If you can't handle THAT much...then don't talk to me....ever. or atleast not about that. I dont have much else to say. Thanks to this certain someone i am speaking to, my good mood is ruined and now you won't hear my funny stories of pain at tonights practice. Sorry.

Bye.

更新!!!

Alright, here's the scoop. I didn't do much this weekend. I had my party (for my sweet 16 that was a month late) on Saturday. Sunday , did nothing but homework. And I'm STILL not done!!! I have my ENTIRE English project to do yet, and I'm probably going to fail that class since English CLASS is my worse subject (for some dumb reason). I have yet to FINISH my tessellation for art class. I have 18 more flowers to color for it but almost all of those are partials so its not so bad. Math homework....that's easy breezy (*laughs hysterically at "easy breezy" because that's a song by Utada Hikaru*) Chemistry....I have a project that i have yet to start but i don't think it'll be THAT hard. And well.....Spanish is a daily thing just like math but those two i can handle. See this is why I'm considering quitting color guard. I can't take the fighting in there...too much drama...I'm almost constantly being chewed out for stuff that I either am not the ONLY one doing or another reason (i can't think right now....tired ^_^) But then of course, I'm stressing myself out because when I screw up....even if it is just practice...i like get so mad at myself. And when we perform...if i mess up...i wait til after the performance to "beat myself up" (not literally!!!) But I'm going to talk to Ron and Norma tonight about it.....and mi madre will be there so it's not like...awkward. If i do quit, i will try to help the band out when i can, and also i will STILL go to the football games ^_^. Away or home...i will still try to go. But...hopefully all ends well.

There isnt much more to say really. Cept maybe that me and dan MIGHT start playing 1001 questions. I want to know more about him and he probably wants to know me better too. I have only known him for a year so....it's worth a shot. Hopefully he gets the notebook out of his band locker enough to actually WRITE to me. Or he could just tell me...whichever works for him ^_^.

Ok...NOW there is nothing to say. So i should probably wrap this up. ill blog tonight after CG. Let y'all know whats happnin. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

Fun fun fun!

Today is gonna be hectic Major! The varsity football team has an away game today, and We (marching band) have to perform at half time (oh joy) and.......my weekend is gonna be nuts. I have to be at school for four so i am just staying after again. Like I did yesterday, I was to work on an art project....well....didnt get MUCH done....but i did get SOME work done. Then I got to hang with Dan for like....five minutes, Yay....But tonight...i might get to hang with him a BIT more. Not sure but maybe. Oh....and....i'm not wearing his "home" jersey because he forgot it at home. He asked if i wanted the truth or the BS version....and I'm glad I asked for the truth. His BS version was kind of ridiculous. Anyways....Hopefully I get to hang with him tonight, before or after would suffice. *sigh* I wish I had more classes with him, or at least Lunch! But NO our school was queer and didn't give us ANY classes together. It sucks. And our weekend schedule is probably NEVER going to meet up. I never get to really hang with him. It sucks so bad. That's why i stay after sometimes (like yesterday and somewhat today) just so i can see him. Any other time he's busy or walking the other way and/ or I'm not paying attention. UGH! this is so frustrating! I know i rant and rave a lot about me and him...or lack there of...on here. But this is the only place that I can express my concerns and feelings.....and possibly get decent feedback. And since I DON'T get to see him, I can easily give him the links and he can read them. That's how we solved the problem that we had this past few days. I don't remember if i said before, but he did apologize. OH! And Dan got to meet my grandpa yesterday! I kinda wanted them to shake hands but....pap was in the truck and on the OTHER side (^_^). But....I think pappy approves. So it's good with that. *sigh* Dunno what to do about the whole...spending time thing. Thjere isnt much we CAN do. I dont want him to change some of his plans just for me.....Kedo (but) it would be nice every now and then to hang with him for LONGER than five minutes or so. Anyways, I soon gotta go, class is almost over. Plus It wouldn't hurt if i worked on studying for my permit.....yes i have yet to get it. So....yeah. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

*sigh of relief*

Today has been ok so far. Danny boy is probably mad at me cuz i said to wait for me...where i'd actually have to wait for him.....well, i kinda didn't and so....he might be mad. BUT on the brighter side, me and him are...better i should say. Yesterday he FINALLY read my last two posts....and he apologized to me...and higged me like five times. He said he felt bad, which is a sign of sympathy (YESSSS). That yes was me being happy 'cause....MY BOYFRIEND DOES HAVE A HEART! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! So it's all good. I have to stay after school today to work on an art project that is due tomorrow, so he said he'll talk to me then...even though he has football practice. Not sure how thats gonna work out but alrighty then. Anyways....i gotta get working here and i'll probably blog later. I'll update on the whole dan thing later. BYEZ!

Bad Day continued...

Alright....here's the scoop. Dan is a butt...and doesn't care that I am mad at him. Well, in his words, he cares he just doesn't show it. But today after school, when I was leaving, I saw him like i usually do. He said something about the note i gave him earlier with the link to my LAST post and throwing it away. So i just was like 'whatever' Then he asked if i was mad at him. I said I was. Then he comes and says "oh well"?!?! I just looked at him and said "and you obviously don't care" and walked away. He didn't even try to stop me! I wanted him to....i wanted him to just grab my arm, whip me around and hug me. but no.....he just went away. Heh...then when I went to color guard practice, he was finishing his football practice and I was talking to him a little bit.....i was still severely pissed and he still acted like he didn't give a rats patooty. I let him borrow my phone to call his dad, because Im a nice person like that, I asked him if he had any CLUE why i was mad at him, he said no. And he left.....there were a few words of farewell but they seemed insignificant to the fact that he didnt even attempt to hug me. And of course....when he walked away I got pissed again and started to listen to this song.....It's called "all or nothing" by Theory of a Dead Man. (play video at bottome for song) I CRIED! I feel kinda bad.....My mo thinks it's petty crap, but to me.....it kinda hurts. And replying to my friends comment...It's not that im afraid he'll hurt me...i just dont know if he'll "protect" me.....and well maybe a slight fear of hurtin'. And I didnt type that one part right....it should have said "MY trust level towards him" My bad! Anyways.....I gotta go. NIGHT!

bad day

So far my day has been crappy. Yesterday was crappy too. I ended upo not going to Dan's game because i wasn't outside waiting for his dad. I FEEL SO STUPID! I feel really bad about it and he was on the phone wiht me last night saying, "Oh you'll forget about" UGH he made me so mad! Him telling me what I will and will not forget ISN'T gonna sit too well with me. And him also getting all pissy with me over the phone just because he lost his game.....That's not gonna sit too well either. I had a bad day too and I have learned not to take it out on my boyfriends....I sometimes choose to vent to them but thats about it. But him....UGH he's being such a BUTT! He won't tell me what he wants for his birthday, he acts like the world was gonna end because he lost 28-0, he showed no sympathy towards me saying "it'll be ok....there are other games." NO! he decides he's gonna say "oh you'll forget about it" UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Oh and another thing. I asked him...numerous times " you wouldn't hurt me right?" He kept saying.....after every time i asked....something about him knowing forms of pain. That's not even CLOSE to what i SHOULD have heard. When he said that his trust level went from here *holds arm out shoulder height* to here *brings hand down to knee level*. It's not like I'm afraid of him....i just don't know. I feel like i don't know anything. Maybe i shoulod write down the link to this blog and let him read it....maybe he'd get a taste for how i feel right now...not like he'd give a damn or anything. Well, I gotta go soon....I'll blog tonight (gotta make up for yesterday anyways). Ciao!