...*blink blink*

Umm...not much to say. Yesterday was kind of....hell for me. I was going to quit CG but the seniors and instructor are lucky that they are the silver tongued devils they are.....'cause i'm still in it. This thing between me and the one girl....its over. Thats all thats to it is that is over. I ended up missing the practice anyways because I had homework i REALLY needed to do. One way or another....im still ineligable. *hangs head but Inner Lind-z cheers* Sorry......i dont really want to perform but they probably are still going to make me since they have a hole. And thats bad. I dont know.

Away football game tonight ^_^. I hope it rains cuz i REALLY dont want to perform tonight. It's going to be windy anyways so why bother with flags and tosses. WEEEEEE. I got to wear dan's jersey again. But this one is his home game jersey.....cuz its an away game and he has to wear that one ^_^. I talked to him last noght on the phone.....I really owe him an apology for freaking out him about autumn's....issue. He was laughing about it and the "issue" isnt something to laugh about. I wanted to smack him.....but i couldn;t cause it was over the phone. Make sense? yea? good. *yawns* so....tired..... Well...i better wrap this up....;And i just might not get too many points this week for Blog because i only have three instead of five. Oh well. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

出ていきなさい!!!!!

OK...i am severely tired of certain people telling me what i should and shouldn't do. I am trying to figure out what the hell to do with guard to begin with and I don't need peoples shit telling me I don't make sense or that i am going to fail at life for quitting ONE thing! I am torn so as it is. But actually.....you are making my decision much easier...only problem is not many people would like the outcome. Just saying. And, if your reading this blog, you know who you are. And i don't care how pissed you get a me...its the truth and babe you need a wake up call. I don't care if you turn the entire freaking school on me....it's not worth my health and sanity to stay with something that i am being pressured into staying with and don't like anymore...given the fact that it is too much stress for me. You want everything to work out YOUR way? you take my spot. Have fun with that. But i digress. I am seriously taking EVERYTHING into consideration and having people yelling at me (once again...you know who you are) is not making this any easier. If this keeps up...I'll just quit and not give a damn about the consequences. Plain and simple. It's not worth it. I thought it'd be fun and i would have come out of my shell...made a few more friends and enjoy competing....guess what...I'm not enjoying it anymore and with the school year coming round......I can't keep up. I'm probably going to be ineligible soon anyways....but i don't know. So put simply....GET OFF MY BACK! A'ight? If you can't handle THAT much...then don't talk to me....ever. or atleast not about that. I dont have much else to say. Thanks to this certain someone i am speaking to, my good mood is ruined and now you won't hear my funny stories of pain at tonights practice. Sorry.

Bye.

更新!!!

Alright, here's the scoop. I didn't do much this weekend. I had my party (for my sweet 16 that was a month late) on Saturday. Sunday , did nothing but homework. And I'm STILL not done!!! I have my ENTIRE English project to do yet, and I'm probably going to fail that class since English CLASS is my worse subject (for some dumb reason). I have yet to FINISH my tessellation for art class. I have 18 more flowers to color for it but almost all of those are partials so its not so bad. Math homework....that's easy breezy (*laughs hysterically at "easy breezy" because that's a song by Utada Hikaru*) Chemistry....I have a project that i have yet to start but i don't think it'll be THAT hard. And well.....Spanish is a daily thing just like math but those two i can handle. See this is why I'm considering quitting color guard. I can't take the fighting in there...too much drama...I'm almost constantly being chewed out for stuff that I either am not the ONLY one doing or another reason (i can't think right now....tired ^_^) But then of course, I'm stressing myself out because when I screw up....even if it is just practice...i like get so mad at myself. And when we perform...if i mess up...i wait til after the performance to "beat myself up" (not literally!!!) But I'm going to talk to Ron and Norma tonight about it.....and mi madre will be there so it's not like...awkward. If i do quit, i will try to help the band out when i can, and also i will STILL go to the football games ^_^. Away or home...i will still try to go. But...hopefully all ends well.

There isnt much more to say really. Cept maybe that me and dan MIGHT start playing 1001 questions. I want to know more about him and he probably wants to know me better too. I have only known him for a year so....it's worth a shot. Hopefully he gets the notebook out of his band locker enough to actually WRITE to me. Or he could just tell me...whichever works for him ^_^.

Ok...NOW there is nothing to say. So i should probably wrap this up. ill blog tonight after CG. Let y'all know whats happnin. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

Fun fun fun!

Today is gonna be hectic Major! The varsity football team has an away game today, and We (marching band) have to perform at half time (oh joy) and.......my weekend is gonna be nuts. I have to be at school for four so i am just staying after again. Like I did yesterday, I was to work on an art project....well....didnt get MUCH done....but i did get SOME work done. Then I got to hang with Dan for like....five minutes, Yay....But tonight...i might get to hang with him a BIT more. Not sure but maybe. Oh....and....i'm not wearing his "home" jersey because he forgot it at home. He asked if i wanted the truth or the BS version....and I'm glad I asked for the truth. His BS version was kind of ridiculous. Anyways....Hopefully I get to hang with him tonight, before or after would suffice. *sigh* I wish I had more classes with him, or at least Lunch! But NO our school was queer and didn't give us ANY classes together. It sucks. And our weekend schedule is probably NEVER going to meet up. I never get to really hang with him. It sucks so bad. That's why i stay after sometimes (like yesterday and somewhat today) just so i can see him. Any other time he's busy or walking the other way and/ or I'm not paying attention. UGH! this is so frustrating! I know i rant and rave a lot about me and him...or lack there of...on here. But this is the only place that I can express my concerns and feelings.....and possibly get decent feedback. And since I DON'T get to see him, I can easily give him the links and he can read them. That's how we solved the problem that we had this past few days. I don't remember if i said before, but he did apologize. OH! And Dan got to meet my grandpa yesterday! I kinda wanted them to shake hands but....pap was in the truck and on the OTHER side (^_^). But....I think pappy approves. So it's good with that. *sigh* Dunno what to do about the whole...spending time thing. Thjere isnt much we CAN do. I dont want him to change some of his plans just for me.....Kedo (but) it would be nice every now and then to hang with him for LONGER than five minutes or so. Anyways, I soon gotta go, class is almost over. Plus It wouldn't hurt if i worked on studying for my permit.....yes i have yet to get it. So....yeah. L8TER SK8TERZ!!!!

*sigh of relief*

Today has been ok so far. Danny boy is probably mad at me cuz i said to wait for me...where i'd actually have to wait for him.....well, i kinda didn't and so....he might be mad. BUT on the brighter side, me and him are...better i should say. Yesterday he FINALLY read my last two posts....and he apologized to me...and higged me like five times. He said he felt bad, which is a sign of sympathy (YESSSS). That yes was me being happy 'cause....MY BOYFRIEND DOES HAVE A HEART! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! So it's all good. I have to stay after school today to work on an art project that is due tomorrow, so he said he'll talk to me then...even though he has football practice. Not sure how thats gonna work out but alrighty then. Anyways....i gotta get working here and i'll probably blog later. I'll update on the whole dan thing later. BYEZ!

Bad Day continued...

Alright....here's the scoop. Dan is a butt...and doesn't care that I am mad at him. Well, in his words, he cares he just doesn't show it. But today after school, when I was leaving, I saw him like i usually do. He said something about the note i gave him earlier with the link to my LAST post and throwing it away. So i just was like 'whatever' Then he asked if i was mad at him. I said I was. Then he comes and says "oh well"?!?! I just looked at him and said "and you obviously don't care" and walked away. He didn't even try to stop me! I wanted him to....i wanted him to just grab my arm, whip me around and hug me. but no.....he just went away. Heh...then when I went to color guard practice, he was finishing his football practice and I was talking to him a little bit.....i was still severely pissed and he still acted like he didn't give a rats patooty. I let him borrow my phone to call his dad, because Im a nice person like that, I asked him if he had any CLUE why i was mad at him, he said no. And he left.....there were a few words of farewell but they seemed insignificant to the fact that he didnt even attempt to hug me. And of course....when he walked away I got pissed again and started to listen to this song.....It's called "all or nothing" by Theory of a Dead Man. (play video at bottome for song) I CRIED! I feel kinda bad.....My mo thinks it's petty crap, but to me.....it kinda hurts. And replying to my friends comment...It's not that im afraid he'll hurt me...i just dont know if he'll "protect" me.....and well maybe a slight fear of hurtin'. And I didnt type that one part right....it should have said "MY trust level towards him" My bad! Anyways.....I gotta go. NIGHT!

bad day

So far my day has been crappy. Yesterday was crappy too. I ended upo not going to Dan's game because i wasn't outside waiting for his dad. I FEEL SO STUPID! I feel really bad about it and he was on the phone wiht me last night saying, "Oh you'll forget about" UGH he made me so mad! Him telling me what I will and will not forget ISN'T gonna sit too well with me. And him also getting all pissy with me over the phone just because he lost his game.....That's not gonna sit too well either. I had a bad day too and I have learned not to take it out on my boyfriends....I sometimes choose to vent to them but thats about it. But him....UGH he's being such a BUTT! He won't tell me what he wants for his birthday, he acts like the world was gonna end because he lost 28-0, he showed no sympathy towards me saying "it'll be ok....there are other games." NO! he decides he's gonna say "oh you'll forget about it" UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Oh and another thing. I asked him...numerous times " you wouldn't hurt me right?" He kept saying.....after every time i asked....something about him knowing forms of pain. That's not even CLOSE to what i SHOULD have heard. When he said that his trust level went from here *holds arm out shoulder height* to here *brings hand down to knee level*. It's not like I'm afraid of him....i just don't know. I feel like i don't know anything. Maybe i shoulod write down the link to this blog and let him read it....maybe he'd get a taste for how i feel right now...not like he'd give a damn or anything. Well, I gotta go soon....I'll blog tonight (gotta make up for yesterday anyways). Ciao!

just woke up...

OK.....like it said. I just woke up. From my "cat nap" and i slept for four hours....now....i want to go BACK to sleep soon because I gotta get up fer school tomorrow, and I'd rather not be tired (^_^) Since of course Dan's dad is picking me up and we are going to the football game right away. It's an away game so that's why. Any my mom is probably working tomorrow....and I dunno where it is or when it starts. SOOOOO......yea. Like for some reason I want to see my BF play....yet I don't understand a THING about the sport. So i have to have him (if he EVER gets time), his dad (whom I have only met twice and probably am not going to really talk to tomorrow) or his friend who goes to all the football games (and is ALWAYS preoccupied with my new friend who like to hold his hand but wont ask the boy out) explain this game to me.

Anyways, I better get off soon, don't want to ruin my sleep pattern. Later folks!

*sigh*

I can't believe this. I didn't even get to sleep in today! I had to go do volunteer work for G-Scouts and it was hard! I had to wash trays for three hours at our town fair. Fun ....NOT. I completely forgot about it until this morning when my mom woke me up...and I wanted to hang with Dan today. Well....that didn't happen either because he went over to his cousin's house. Andy is my friend too but...i was really looking forward to hanging with Dan. I wasn't going to make him choose...but....we NEVER get to see each other! It really sucks! I can't hang with him next Saturday either....I have my 16th B-day party but also.....he's uber busy. I really want to do something nice for him for HIS 16th birthday...but...we never have any time to really hang. It's frustrating and I don't know what to do. I HATE THIS! I had one er two classes with him last year and now that we are finally dating, we never see a glimpse of one another. UGH! I wanna ask someone...like my art teacher for advice. Cause neither him nor I know what to do about this. And its really starting to bug me.

I'm like super tired right now and even Danny boy said to go to sleep. So I'm gonna listen to him for once and take a nap. I'll be back on a bit later (gotta meet a deadline and amount of posts on this since I'm graded on it for engrish class. hehe)

*screams bloody murder*

I GIVE UP!!!!!! In other words....today sucked beyond belief!!!!! Practice went horribly and our cavalcade...don't GET me started! We came in fifth....OUT OF SIX BANDS! I'm glad we didn't get last, don't get me wrong about that...but we deserved AT LEAST third place. I mean come on....our show was one of thee most difficult ones there....and we puled it off....well everyone except me. I sucked SO bad...i screwed up almost the ENTIRE second song. And the third song...eh that was OK...and the fourth...OMG that's the one that sucked majorly. I screwed up so bad....and the band suffered because of my stupidity. *hangs head in shame* And the fact that we kept getting yelled at by our seniors and instructors....didn't help. Ms. senior thing 1 decides she's gonna be miss bossy and I got chewed out for a lot of stuff.....well a few times it was the guard in general...but still. When we were practicing I was getting so stressed and sh*t because of people....I was...and probably still am....considering the option of quitting. I can't take this. It's too stressful and.....UGH. I have such a hard time with a lot of the work AND the people there and I....don't always get along....in fact there is always some kind of drama in guard. Man....this officially sucks!! Maybe i should talk to someone intelligent and honest...*cough cough* Dan *cough cough* about this. He'll help me...i know it. I don't want to quit because my mom has spent so much money on me to do this....like we probably put close to $100 into this......and I feel obligated to finish it out because..well....i don't want it to go for nothing. So...talking to her feels like a swayed vote. But with my Danny boy.....he couldn't care less whether i quit or not...well maybe he CARES but it wouldn't affect him any. So.....yeah.Welp...im tired beyond comprehension so im going to bed ^_^ Night Y'all!

friday night football....WUUUUUW

Our team did awesome tonight. They won...again! that's....three wins no losses ^_^ yay! Our band didn't have to play tonight...but some of us showed up anyways. That's probably why we won. ANYWAYS....
OMG.....I got to hang out with Dan after the game a bit...OMG. I didn't want to leave....AT ALL. We were in the band hall....hugging...like constantly. As in...we were kinda never separated ^_^. But...one part that definitely stands out in my memory....and i probably will never forget this...He was hugging me from behind...like he had his arms around my shoulders and we looked like right across from us and saw in the glass....our reflection (obviously). But when we looked, he comes off and says "oh isn't that a cute reflection". I think i turned almost bright red and just.....UGH i don't really remember what i did. probably just giggled. But before that he's like "yeah I'm not good at this whole 'clingy' stuff" I just said that he could have fooled me ^_^. It's kinda of difficult to describe how he acts around me...like he's gentle and sweet, yet rowdy and....either cocky or obnoxious (you pick). But.....it's just...different with him. a good different. I dunno. all i do know is that i want to spend more time with him but i kinda can't because I'm in color guard and girl scouts and he....he's in football and youth group and boy scouts and....all sorts of stuff. Between our two schedules...we have NO free time. *sigh* this sucks

well...I'm going to bed.....i might be on in the morning to blog about....dreams, future events...etc. Night Peoplez.

what a saturday

Today we had our family reunion. Boy oh boy was THAT fun. I am sick...as some may already know, and of course I was coughing ALL day. It hurts just to swallow! My voice sounds horrible and my nose is STILL stuffed up. Last night at the football game it wasn't too bad but then again screaming my head off even if my b.f. WASN'T on the feild ^_^'

9/5/08....but you already knew that.

Ok....friday. Not so much of a tgif for me though. Last night i felt sick....like cold sick. I have a soore throat (still) runny nose (still) and sneezing every now and then......STILL! ITS NUTST! PLUS, i didnt go to color gaurd practice last night....so if we learned anything new....i wouldn't know it..FOR TONIGHT'S FOOTBALL GAME! AHHHHHH. I'm kinda scared. I still feel sick...and if i have a hard time breathing tonight....because of being stuffed up, i'm going to ask if i ABSOLUTELY HAVE to do the show. If they say no...because of being in not so good physical condition, then im sitting out...or i'll be a runner or something (runners collect flags).

On the brighter side...i didnt have any homework last night so i could go to sleep at 7 instead of 10...like I did do. ^_^. I slept ALLLLLL night! No one called for me *cough cough* Dan*cough cough* but thats ok. I got to talk to him this morning. He gave me his jersey to wear and said about putting flowers out for my dad (he died in january and his birthday is THIS sunday). Dan wouldn't be able to come on sunday cause he's going to a football game but we could go some other time. He WANTS to go....which is shocking to me....he never met my dad. Hell, my last boyfriend never met my dad. *shrug* oh well. So, thats good that he wants to go. One complication....haven't said anything to mom yet ^_^. I dont want to get her upset especially with the pressure of the rhodes family reunion coming up on saturday. But....we'll survive. Hopefully ^_^.

welp, gotta wrap this up, talk to youz later!

update

we're sitting in class, Our english teacher telling us about citations and stuff, and everyone is working on their posts. HAHAH. Its really funny. the one girl in my class is using this program right now and i wanna ask what it is...but can't because teacher's talking. I'm a respectful person....but typing and listening is another story ^_^.



Last night at color gaurd....I was really upset, angry. I was having a bad night. First, While doing the third song, i hit my right shoulder REALLY hard. It probably is gonna bruise but so far it hasn't. And ron, our instructor, he is now making me jazz run AND doing HUGE figure eights AT THE SAME TIME! UUUGH! It made me so mad. I'm having a hard time so as it is and he just keeps making it worse for me! And another thing, it felt like i was being ignored ALL day yesterday. And i kinda still am. Well then of course the bonehead i have FIVE FREAKING CLASSES WITH decides to start on me in homeroom today. UGH he makes me so mad. I just wish i could hit him, he's lucky i can't though. Then he'd really hate me ^_^. So yea.
*after school*
I didn't get to see dan much today....and he hardly said anything when i did. In fact, when i walked over to him, he looked like he was looking for someone ^_^ it was kinda sad that i slightly scared him. Or atleast I think I did. HAHA

Not much else to say......update later...or tomorrow...whichever!