GRRRRR( my angry little blurb)

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! *talking fast* MY WRIST HURTS (BOTH OF EM NO LESS...but on and off), I TALKED TO DAN BUT WAS SHAKING AFTERWARDS, AND I STILL HAVE HOMEWORK FROM LAST NIGHT THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE YET! AAAAHHHHHHH...ok...i'm done. Just needed to get that out of my system. I'm feeling a little stressed and with people and school and Color Guard...and pain that goes with it...things aren't getting any easier.

Ok...NOW i'm done...byez!

im bored and stupid...nice to meet you!

Alright, I SHOULD be working on my final draft for English....but instead, I'm on here writing and reading. I was reading some of my previous entries from this past week.....realizing how much of a dunce that i am....and continued reading. I also say I'm a dunce because of what the frick i did yesterday. Here goes:
Yesterday I had to stay after school for detention...which REALLY wasn't all that bad, in fact it helped me because i got all my Spanish homework done in it (^_^)....but after i was done with that, i went and hung out with Bo for a bit (Dan's friend) and then that made me want to go to Dan's football game (JV). So....The girl that was coming in to help us with color guard a bit showed up...i did warm ups with her and did a few dance things (which will definitely help me but not TOO much)....then we went down to the practice field (marching band's, not football's) and I went to the game for like five minutes. Well, he was there....i didn't get to see him play, why you may ask? Because he hurt himself (his ankle) and was on the bench for a bit! I wanted to call him last night after girl scouts was over but it was too late and he was probably sacked out by then. So i wanted to talk to him today......which i will...but for two reasons. One to see if he's alright....and two....and this one may seem dumb....but i kinda wanted to necklace i gave him back. Its a two part set. The one is the black part of yin and yang that has a white gem....i have that one....the white one with the black gem...i gave that to him, and i kinda want i back for the simple reason....it's kind of a boyfriend girlfriend thing to have them....and we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore so.....whats the point of him having it? i mean he doesn't wear it anyways, so.....yea. I just hope he doesnt try to make a fuss over it. That would be bad. Welp, gotta go.....class is soon over and we have to get the computers shut down. MATTA NE!!!!!!

School so far....

It's only second period...BUT....Today has been fairly decent so far. I find out that i needed my practice flag for tonight...if i wanted to improve on my basics, this one girl who is friends with our saber instructor, she is coming to help us on basics and tosses and stuff tonight. BUUUUT, i don't have my practice flag with me, and i have to stay after school today because i have detention (for 3 tardies without notes) SO, that should be fun. OH, and my grandma has to pick me up at six thirty (so I'm only gonna get an hour with this lady) to take me home so i can help with our girl scout "cooking night" thing. We're working on badge and we have to cook a full course meal, then there is something about setting tables and whatever else my mom decides to do. FUN eh?

I am trying so hard not to think about Dan-kun. ITS SO HARD! I still like him (oh and all those bad things you heard about him from my blog in which he commented.....ignore them completely. They're not true ^_^) and i want to still date him....kedo....he's too busy to have a relationship with anyone (girlfriend wise). So i have to move on....and it's not going to be easy with FREAKING AUTUMN CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT DAN AND BO!!!!!!!!! Good god she knows how to drive a girl insane. So.....i don't know what i'm gonna do. I even highly doubt im going to homecoming. It would be just a sad reminder that i have no one who loves me (romanticly) in my life. I know thats a bit dramatic but once you think about it...it's true.

Anyways, if anyone has any ideas or comments about my previous entry (*sigh* from sunday, october 5th) please leave em (^_^) i need all the help i can get. Time to get back to work....MATTA NE!

*sigh*

Who here is easily discouraged? *raises hand* Yea.....I'm an aspiring artist...and i get discouraged VERY easily. We are doing portraits in art and I decided to do my one friend Mia. She took a picture of herself (just her face you pervs).....so i decided to use that. But (and this is where the first sentence comes in) It's not coming out like the picture and I'm starting to get very discouraged. Like i want to scratch the entire thing...but i daresn't do that. I don't know how else to improve on my techniques or my overall attitude about it (art). Like I'm always frustrated because in my mind everything is detailed and elaborate and beautiful.but on paper....it looks like crap...plain and simple. I never like it. Well...sometimes I'm amazed at what comes out but i haven't gotten any result like that in a long time. But i want to improve so bad. A lot of my friends on deviant Art and even in school (of the few friends i actually have) they are so ch better than i a....I'm so far behind....i obviously am not going to be able to catch up in a year or so. I want to be able to go to college for Graphic design with confidence....but at this rate that won't happen.
This is the part where i sund pathetic and desperate....If anyone has ideas on how to improve my art....or my attitude towards it...plaese leave a comment. And please don't say to just practice....cause i have heard it so many times it isnt funny. But any other comment is greatly appreciated. ARIGATO GOZAIMASU *bows* (^_^) sorry....just had to do that.

L8ter Sk8terz!

私はそれを信じることができない!!!!!

Oh my God! Last night's practice for Color Gaurd was like.....so fun! We changed the drill for the third song....I wasn't in a foul mood.....Its AMAZING! I couldn't believe it! Neither could a lot of other people. I don't know why i've been in a good mood lately. Even David was like "you know whats really ironic? It's like everyone else is in a bad mood and you're not". It's so bizarre! Ever since he broke up with me....(dan not dave)....I've been feeling much happier. I honestly don't know the exact reason but i think thats it. It still bugs me about why but honestly....thats his problem...not mine. Like my mom said two days ago "if you sit on it long enough, it'll hatch". So....thats that. Anyways....i gotta go soon, OH and can't wait for da football game tonight (yippee*sarcasm*) I'm gonna listen to my zune all night...cept for our performance AND half time. Ok....l8ter sk8terz!

i really hate myself

This is so frustrating. I came in late for the second time this week! I don't know whats wrong with me. This morning....i woke up at 5:30, turned my alarm off and went back to sleep....like i always do. But today and Tuesday.....i didn't wake up til 7:30! My alarm goes off for an hour after the first alarm....i slept through an HOUR of my alarm going off and didn't hear it! Third time this year, second time this week. I'm probably like sick or something....i don't know. I did get my "friend" on Tuesday so that could be the reason for today. I don't know. My mom is going to be furious if she finds out. I don't know what else to day...have her wake me up when she does (which by the way is at 4:30 in the morning), have mother call me every morning like last year? HELP ME!!!!! Since I obviously can't figure this out myself. Mom and mother say to get another alarm clock.....its not my alarm clock....its me. I honestly need help.
Then when i got here today....at 8.....DAN WAS IN CHORUS! He didn't look at me....didn't laugh at me for being late. I had like the most miserable look on my face.....i looked like i was about to cry (not because of him) But i was just....so miserable. He said hi....and I just looked at the floor...hanging my head in shame. I heard him say hi to me and that was about it.....i wouldn't look at anyone....i don't even want to look at myself. I feel miserable right now...not to mention sick to my stomach. I honestly don't know if he still wants to be my friend or not. If he does....great for him. I probably still like him and everything...but after hearing what he said about me....i just...dislike him....slightly. I wish me and him could work things out but....he broke up with me...thats the end of it. I want to know his TRUE reason behind it but...mom said to just let it go for a while...and the truth will come out. She said, "if you sit on it long enough, It'll hatch," and she's right.
Ok...g2g...class is soon over. Matta Ne!

今のところ週の更新そして1つの地獄。

alright, here's the scoop.me and Dan broke up on Monday night...he wanted to do it in person on Tuesday but i wouldn't let him (given the fact i didn't know what it was he wanted to talk about and it was driving me nuts....i probably wouldn't have been able to sleep anyhow). So yesterday (Tuesday) I over slept....only got to school at like 8....and then find out at Dan's birthday party....him and his friend Bo were talking badly about me and Bo's girlfriend....whom is also my friend. So i had to ask my one band buddy(s) about what they said....i find out that Dan A) said i was stupid...and B) was gonna break up with me at the homecoming dance......that JERK!!!!!!!!! he such a chinpoko! UGH! I can't believe i ever liked him. He's so full of himself and he's so conceited its pathetic. And i think it was Charlito (his one friend) that said I'm the only girl he could get....he's probably right. I was his first girlfriend, and if he keeps up his attitude he wont have a second. So now i want to know what he said exactly about me.....but if worse comes to worse...i never speak to him again. I mean he wants to be my friend yet...but i don't know if i can after hearing what some of his party guests heard that day. It's ridiculous.